The Multipersonality Disorder of the American Church

Multipersonality Disorder – A disorder characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality states.

Disclaimer: I have had multiple drafts of this post.  When my communications/writing major daughter read through it she commented that the post was obviously connected to my experience locally.  She felt it was not objective enough to just be a neurtral treatise (whatever that may mean – but it sounds scholarly, right?).  

I thought about that a lot and I imagine none of us are truly neutral.  If we were neutral, we would be pretty BORING.  We would be like robots, cogs in a wheel.  If we are to have opinions and be passionate about any issue, we must have personal experience with the content.  My personal experience with this content is my local congregation and others we have attended in the past, both while church “shopping” and visiting friends and family in different parts of the country.  I don’t think the experience is unique to my local congregation.

As stated in one of my all time favorite movies, “Write what you know.”  So, I shall, with this rather long disclaimer.

We don’t know who we are.  How can we expect to be any sort of compass to a world in terror & confusion when we ourselves are confused?  I’m talking specifically about what some might call the “Order of Worship” on any given Sunday. (Although my apologist friend may argue that we are very confused about what we actually believe and why – but that’s for another post, or for me to point you to his blogs.  Check it out!)

This confusion is not good for people like me.  Magpies who are easily distracted by shiny things.

We don’t have a plumb line.  There is nothing grounding from week to week that is ritual and meaningful.  We try so hard to be relevant to everyone that we end up being spastic and the Order of Service ends up feeling haphazard.  I know that is not the intention.  I’m not discussing people’s intention or their desire to make it meaningful. And I know that quite a bit of trial and error goes into creating the flow of a service.  That is not in doubt in my mind, at least when it comes to my local congregation.

I believe there is value in ritual – even if we end up just going through the motions.  In fact, I believe that may be the point.  The beauty is in the ritualistic part of the ritual.  The beauty is the fact that we have done it so many times we could do it in our sleep.  We can participate when this crazy life is so insane and we can’t think straight; and precisely because it’s a ritual, we can still participate.  The beauty and mystery of it is that even when we just mumble along with the words and ‘go through the motions’, the words or actions are still keeping those neural pathways open in the brain and connected to the meaning of the words or actions, particularly when we find it hard to remember what we’re saying or doing or why.  

It can be as simple as a paragraph or scripture that we repeat as a congregation every. single. service.  
It can be as elaborate as celebrating the great mystery and intimacy of communion every. single. service

Instead our churches are filled with a buffet of styles to choose from, and sometimes that buffet is offered up during a SINGLE Sunday service!

We are trying too hard because we think we are losing the next generation.  The leadership reads all kinds of theology books, studies, and polls about why people are leaving, why people are staying, what supposedly works, what supposedly doesn’t work, etc. We try to appeal to the dissenters.* Those within and without our church who throw accusations at us so as to put us on the back foot; such as:

  1. “The church is full of hypocrites!”  Well, duh!  It’s full of humans.  
  2. “The church doesn’t meet my needs.”  Boo-hoo.  Maybe you’re supposed to meet someone else’s need.
  3. “I can’t find a church that does things they way I think they should be done.”  Umm…there is no perfect church (see #1)

I know, I know.  You see my list and say to me “Duh! Is she really this thick?” YES, I am; but I get it.  Remember, this blog is so I can talk to myself without raising eybrows at the grocery store.  

The church is full of souls who have no idea how to live life, how to be a friend, how to move beyond those shallow conversations.  None of us have it together, although some pretend like they do.  I try to ignore these folks; but the more I try, the more I notice.  Hmmm…

The church should be a safe place where we can bare our struggles in community and I believe that ritual can help us be just that.  Something to cling to, something familiar.  Familiarity can breed comfortableness. You can  argue that familiarity breeds complacency, perhaps…in some.  But, I believe that those finding meaning in the ritual will far outweigh those who become complacent.  There will always be weeds in the church.  Jesus tells us so (Matt. 13:24-30).  

“Imagine if every church became a place where everyone is safe, but no one is comfortable.  Imagine if every church became a place where we told one another the truth.  We might just create sanctuary.” – Rachel Held Evans in Searching for Sunday

We can tell the truth in the ritual.  When we…say, recite the Beatitudes every Sunday in unison – that becomes telling the truth; to ourselves and each other.  Frankly, I don’t need another worship leader trying to force spiritual meaning on me from his life during the previous week: what God told him through a gas station fill up nozzle.  I need Jesus infusing meaning into my life from the coporate acts of speaking His Words out loud, from sharing communion with my brothers and sisters.  It’s when we are vulnerable that we find meaning.  Ritual allows for vulnerability because our minds are free from worrying about watching the screen to read what to say next or whose turn it is the speak – the leader or me? – and instead we can say the words by heart and our souls can be vulnerable and feel the balm and notice the hurting soul beside us.  

“And he opened his mouth and taught them saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.  
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in Heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Imagine!  EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY! At the same time, no matter what.  Then, imagine that followed by communion! 

Peace to you!! xx

*ADD moment:  I appreciate the plethora of books about church written by women and men much smarter than me.  People who have degrees and lots of capital letters after their names, but I think that the people in their churches might benefit from our pastors reading books like:

The Idiot by Fydor Dostoyevsky

Letters to a Diminished Church by Dorothy Sayers

The Cantebury Tales by Chaucer

The Aeneid by Virgil (The Lind translation is best, in my opinion)

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry (seriously any thing written by Wendell Berrry, seriously)

Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

The Office of Assertion by Scott Crider

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard

Norms and Nobility by David Hicks

Evensong by Gail Gibbons

and just for fun

May B. by  Caroline Starr Rose

Currently, I believe the best books for a time such as this in the American Church are (and it’s precisely because these two titles/authors may seem incongruous to one another that they are beneficial):

Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans

A Weed in the church by Scott Brown

This post does NOT contain affliliate links.  Alas, I wish it did 🙂

In Which I Discuss Blogging

I haven’t blogged for a while.  I suppose I haven’t had much to say – yeah, right.

There are several reasons for this.  I won’t deny that I’ve just ignored it because it’s easier.  It’s hard to put out quality content on a regular basis.  That’s the case for me, at least.

For me, Blogs come and go.  I can only think of ONE that I still read on a quasi-regular basis since I started reading blogs.  A big reason is my season of life (whatever that means).  However, another reason has increasingly made itself clear.

Marketing and Advertisers have stuck their noses into blogs and where it used to take a limited amount of time to read a post and gain insight, the addition of so many ads makes it a long drawn out process.  Sites won’t load content until all the sidebar ads are loaded and by then I’ve wasted time and it’s not worth the read anymore – don’t even get me started on the ones who have imbedded (sometimes vidoe gif) ads which make the actual post look as if a blanket has been thrown over it so you MUST click the X when you can find it to get back to reading the content.  I’m not a blog purist I just don’t need an ad for Disney every two paragraphs.  I’ve been to Disney and it’s not all that (unless you like being jostled on all side by that older set of parents with completely out of control toddlers).  But I digress…

If your blog attracts the attention of the Big Dogs and they want to send you on vacations so you can blog about their stuff, great for you.  However, even though you claim that your opinions are not influenced by their generosity, I can’t believe that.  Behind every Blog is a human – and humans like to have money to spend.  If a Business comes along and makes it possible to earn money while sitting in a coffee shop typing your opinion, then “Bully for you”!

So, if, and it’s a huge IF, my little blog somehow earns attention in the future for some reason and I get catapulted into the “writing a blog for money” category, I will accept that opportunity.  But I won’t delude myself or you into thinking that my opinion is not affected by the money or product sent my way.

I realize we have made marketers go this route. We don’t (if we have any brains in our bodies) pay for cable or satellite.  Oops, I forgot, this is a blog originating from America…but, increasingly, we turn to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Instant Video, YouTube, etc for our entertainment.  They have to find other ways to sell us their product.  Because if I’m not told to buy this brand of over and over again on a blog, then how will I survive?

I’ve also noticed another trend with bloggers.  Blogging at some point is not enough. They move onto books.  Some are authors who use blogging as a platform to write really good books (I’ve read several).  Some are just bloggers who try to write a book (I’ve suffered through way too many…in e-book form…for a small fee).  If you are a student of their blog or even just a casual sometimes readers you will notice quite quickly that their “book” is just a compilation of blogs they have already written.  Sometimes they don’t even change the wording to make it at least sound like a new thought.

Who am I kidding?  I’m just envious.  I have good ideas.  I have a quick wit.  I can be profound at times.  Yet….my blog is stuck in the wasteland.  I suppose that’s my fault.  I could market it; shop it to advertisers; join affiliate programs; promote it ad nauseum on social networking sites.  But I won’t.

I write this because I talk to myself and that can be embarrassing.  With a blog, I can do that without causing raised eyebrows.

So, I’ll continue to read those 2-3 blogs I enjoy and dabble in others if they are worth my time.  Unfortunately, if the blog is held hostage by ads, I close it and move on with my day.

What blogs continue to hold my interest, the ones I eagerly read?

Modern Mrs. Darcy
Amongst Lovely Things
Your Welcome 🙂

“Because I said so…”

You heard it many times growing up.  As a parent, you’ve probably said it – or am I the only one?

“Because I said so…”

This simply isn’t enough.  Daily I forget that my kids don’t have the benefit of context.  They haven’t had a chance to make the many, many, many mistakes I have made.  Granted they make mistakes daily, but how many times did you make the same mistake before you really “got it”?  We tend to do a disservice to kids by assuming that they are mini-adults.  They are fully formed souls, but their innocence is just that – innocence on every level.  Therefore, “because I said so” is just laziness on our part.  We don’t want the hassle of explaining something.  In his commentary on Proverbs 1:7-9 Matthew Henry states:

“They are reasonable creatures (children), and therefore we must not give them law without instruction; we must draw them with the cords of a man, and when we tell them what they must do we must tell them why.”

 We’re working on this with our 7 year old.  Heck, we are still working on this with our 19 year old.  I’m still working on this myself.  For, truth be told, I don’t take something on face value.  I don’t just accept it because someone in authority said so.

I’m going to sound pious here, don’t worry it’s just a farce:

The only true authority is God’s Word.  That’s it.  Everything else is just interpretation at best, or opinion at worst.

We are imperfect creatures.  So, so very imperfect.  Kids get this.  And because they intuitively understand this, they have a right to question our “authority”.

There are times when my children must obey what I say to avoid harming themselves or others or damaging relationships or property.  Times when there may not be time for a complete conversation with appropriate questions and answers.  However, I must maintain that balance.  If I’m going to require that my children obey at my word, I must be ready and able to explain and defend that word.

I MUST make the time to explain.

I have been trying to help my son to understand when questioning is appropriate and when he needs to just listen and then we can talk about it later.  I don’t have any real answers. But, it seems to me that the best part about parenting should be the conversations that lead to understanding and relationship.  These questions from our kids about our edicts and mandates should cause us to evaluate ourselves and our statements in light of their questions.  We must also be willing to listen to their thoughts and be humble to apologize when we’ve been wrong.  I don’t have the seemingly popular “18 Steps…”.

All I can offer is a glimpse into what’s convicting me now in how I parent and questioning the status-quo of my childhood.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.  Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Proverbs 1:7-9

It’s Election Day!

Did you know this?  I knew it was coming, all the signs were there.  I’ve been seeing them for months.  This morning I thought about who I might cast my vote for (if I can find the time to be bothered) and the reasons, stated herewith:

1)  NOT voting for because I went to school with him and he was a jerk in high school.  Plus, the picture they decided to use on all his signs and billboards has done nothing to convince me has has changed.

2) MAY vote for because he shops at my husband’s clothing store.

3) MAY vote for because we sort of attend the same church and he seems like a decent guy.

4) NOT voting for because friends with whom I now find myself on the opposite side of many issues has his sign in their yard.  They are really nice people, but still…

I used to care about elections, even primaries because I believed all politics were local.  Now I don’t.  Local politics are just a stepping stone to the Big Leagues.  And because they are the way to the Big Leagues, they are not different – all spit and polish, no real leather.

I have become what I used to hate – an uninformed voter.  I didn’t vote in the last election because I was convinced that I shouldn’t because I was uninformed.  Living what I believed!  Feeling appropriately self-righteous!

Now, who’s to say that my reasons stated above are worse than any other reason?

So, go VOTE!

Or you can do something productive, like go to the Salon.


Read Aloud Revival.  Have you heard of it?  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these podcasts.  I recently discovered Sarah Mackenzie’s blog and her Read Aloud Revival.  I have consumed every episode in the last week.

This is NOT just for home educating moms.  This is for all parents.  The opportunity to build family culture around books is available to everyone who has access to a library.  Everyone enjoys being read to, even the surly teenager who pretends they don’t.

Sarah’s guests walk you through the value of reading aloud for all ages.  All I can really say is that inspiration oozes out of these episodes.  She also provides links in each episodes’ show notes so that you can easily find any resource that mentioned.

Do yourself a favor and check out the podcast episodes and Sarah’s blog.  I’m hooked!!

The Post I’ve Been Avoiding

This is the post that hurled me back in.  It’s about Robin Williams.  In case you haven’t heard of him, here’s a favorite clip of mine.   I like Robin Williams.  I always have.  He has made me laugh since Mork and Mindy.  I don’t think he ever made a secret of his addictions or his struggles.  He had been married three times and struggled with infidelity among other things.  But he was human, just like me and just like you.

What bothered me was a particular “share” that showed up in my Facebook feed.  I can’t get it out of my head.  I didn’t even click on the link, I just read the comment that my friend who did the sharing made.  I was sick to my stomach.  In effect (and I take liberal license with this since I refused to read it) it claimed we shouldn’t be surprised he committed suicide because that’s what happens when someone “does voices and allows the devil into their soul”.  Really?!?!?!?  Mind you, I suppose I should be surprised that such an assertion came from a so-called “christian”, but I wasn’t.  I was disgusted by the tagline. There’s no sugar coating my feelings, I was pissed.   I read no further.

But…what if I had?  What if I, as a Christian, read those words through the lens of mental illness?  Would an article like that help me?  I don’t think so.  I think it would push me further into despair.  Articles and words like that, in my opinion, cause more suicides among believers than having the talent to “do voices” and genuinely make people laugh.

No wonder those with mental illness or those with family members who are struggling with mental illness hide it from the church.  The church likes things tied up nicely in a box with a pretty polka dot bow on top (I think teal and brown is particularly fetching).  We like God to answer our prayers for healing.  We like to point to the healing and shout, “See! God answers prayer!  That little boys arm was broken and now it’s healed.” or “There was a spot on his lung, but, praise Jesus, it’s gone now!”.  We whisper, “She has a mental illness.  I don’t think her family has enough faith”, or we say in hushed tones, “Pray for Hank, he’s depressed.  God bless his heart.  Pass me a doughnut.”  To quote Amy Simpson in her book Troubled Minds, “Mental illness is the sort of thing we don’t like to talk about.”  But we must.  From a study of 500 churches in 2010 and outlined in Troubled Minds:

  • 84% of church leaders are aware of some type of anxiety disorder within their congregation.
  • 91% of church leaders have seen mood disorders such as depression within their churches.
  • 37% of church leaders indicated that someone in their congregation had suffered from a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia.
  • Of the church leaders in this survey, 38.7 % indicated they had suffered from a mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder.
  • 23% (church leaders) indicated they had suffered from an anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder or social anxiety disorder.*

*The list continues…

We must begin the conversation in our large churches and our small churches.  Mental Illness is not demon possession.  It is a sickness of the mind.  It is no different than diabetes, or cancer, or multiple sclerosis.  There are treatments, but sometimes there are no cures.  How can we look at someone who struggled and lost the battle with cancer and see their tremendous faith in the midst of the pain, doubt and unanswered prayer; but look at another who has struggled and lost the battle with bipolar disorder and not see their faith in the midst of pain, doubt and unanswered prayer?

The church reminds me of that commercial on the radio in which a girl tells her friend she has a mental disorder and the friend keeps trying change the conversations to earrings, “Look over there, something shiny!”  Are we a bunch of magpies?  I don’t want to make the church sound crass, but we are.  Particularly when uninformed clergy share articles like the aforementioned one on Facebook.  You read that right, a member of the clergy, a pastor, a shepherd of a congregation.

The silver lining here is that the church is slowly coming around.  There are voices all over the place and I’m grateful and I’m honored to add my small voice.

I really didn’t want to go here.  I didn’t.  I fought the urge to add my voice to the Robin Williams discussion, but God did not allow me rest from the thought of it.  I got out of the house and ran mindless errands.  I don’t want to cause a stir.  I know this blog will post on my Facebook feed and I know that people from my church will read it and I know that they will know of which “share” I speak.  But, I cannot avoid it.  I have tried for two days.  Two days of shopping (my husband is thrilled I’ve been running), but I can run no longer.  I have nothing else to occupy my time or my fingers.  The house is quiet.  I have the time to write, not well because I’m still a bit steamy about it, but to write nonetheless.

Here’s how God got me finally.  My son likes to listen to Adventures in Odyssey.  I allow him to use the app to listen to current episodes.  There are about 10-15 to choose from on any given day.  Yesterday, after I had run my errands and drowned out the quiet voice in my spirit, he started an episode called The Other Woman about Tom Riley’s wife revealing she struggles with mental illness.  There are some opinions voiced in AIO that I don’t agree with, but on the whole it’s good radio to listen to and Whit got it right on the money about mental illness and the church.  I couldn’t deny it anymore, I had to speak up.  More than a Facebook post or a snarky comment.  So, back to the blog I trot.

Robin Williams may not have been a Christian.  No one knows.  Only he and God know that.  I venture to say that right now, both of them are very sure about Robin’s life after death.  However, we have NO RIGHT to claim that his suicide shouldn’t be a surprise or that he deserved it or somehow he brought it on himself because he could “do voices”.  In fact, deep down, I secretly hope that I’ll see him in heaven :).

Did Robin have his “demons”?  Yes, as do we all

….and God help us.

Give me grace for the broken.

Grace for the weary.

Grace for the burdens.

Grace for the ignorant.

Grace for the crass.

Grace for the uninformed.

Grace for the sinner.

Grace for myself.

My Staycation

Isn’t that all the rage right now?  Taking a Staycation?  I suppose you could say I took a “vacay” from blogging, just as I was getting people reading and commenting – oh, well.  Not very good in the marketing department.  I admit I “want” to be a blogger, but it does seem like the net is overloaded with them.  People blogging everywhere.  Some make it big and some don’t.  Some do it for a season, or to document a struggle or a death.  I just write because I want to become a better writer.

So….to that end, I’ve been reading a lot.  I mean A LOT.  I’m averaging about a book per week.  I don’t have a set schedule but I do have a random list.  I compiled most of it from MMD.  I’m a firm believer in reading good books, books that feed the soul and the mind.  Mind you, I have read some duds, but those books serve a purpose as well.  The purpose to show how NOT to write.  I also believe that one of the best ways to be a good writer is not just to take writing courses, although I keep toying with the idea of working through either Classical  Writing (I would start with the Older Beginner’s) or The Lost Tools of Writing from the Circe Institute, but to just keep reading.

Reading is the heart and soul of a writing and only by reading what is good, lovely and soul nourishing can we become better crafters of words ourselves.  So, reading has been my mini-vacay this summer.  In the midst of getting ready to send my oldest off to college and trying to plan, prepare and train for the upcoming homeschooling year, I have made the effort to just READ and I’ve loved my time between the pages.  Unfortunately, staying up until past midnight has become a habit that must be broken in less than a week.  Uh-oh.

So, tell me, what book do you suggest I put on that list?





MAY 6, 2014


DVD hits CBA Retail on July 8 through Capitol Christian Distribution


Nationwide Movie Tour continues through May 2014


 SOURCE: Rogers & Cowan

Los Angeles, Calif.(April 2, 2014) – The Ragamuffin film, based on the life and legacy of best-selling Christian music singer/songwriter Rich Mullins, is set to release on DVD May 6, 2014.  The Color Green Films full-length feature will release first exclusively in Walmart retail stores through Millennium Entertainment followed by a nationwide CBA retail release on July 8 through Capitol Christian Distribution.

In conjunction with the DVD release, the Ragamuffin Movie Tour launched earlier this year and is currently screening the film across the nation.  Debuting to a sold-out house at the Orpheum Theatre in January, the tour will run through May 2014 hosting screenings in small venues – churches, college campuses…

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My One Word….and my resistance to it

Several weeks ago I shared that I felt I should choose one Word to focus on.  At the time, I really thought that word would be forgiveness.  That would have been easy, actually.

However, it’s been made painfully clear that my word for the year is TRUST.  Do I trust God enough with my life?  With the my family?  Do I trust His call even though…

My husband is a gifted guitarist and worship leader.  He has an uncanny ability to love on the people on his worship team.  To see their potential and encourage their gifts.  He understands the importance of worship, not just in a congregational setting, but in there being peace on the Worship team and being able to truly worship in the intimacy of that stage with those people beside him.  For many years he worked tirelessly on building up the worship team at the church (aka Church #1) where we were members.  Many, many years.  He even interviewed for the possibility of being brought on staff as a Worship Leader, an official title.  They chose to go another route and we were disappointed but he continued on in the work, knowing that he was using his gift as God called him to do.  Eventually, we left that church for a time.  I don’t regret that decision.  I was the one who needed to leave.  There were many issues which I will not get into here.  Most of them were personal.  There were misunderstandings and things said in anger to us and about us that were not true and hurt all the more because of it.  I stand by that decision because we needed to leave in order to come back.  I know it may not make sense, but sometimes things don’t make sense and we just have to ride it out.

We ended up attending two very different churches during that time (aka Church #2 and #3, respectively).  My husband even interviewed for a Worship Leader position at Church #3 and they decided to move in a different direction.  I will say that in each instance, the churches did not hire another person to fill the Worship Leader position.  They hired a staff member for another ministry.  I harbor no hard feelings about those decisions.   I don’t deny I was angry for a time after both pass-overs, but we worked through it – God and I.

Our family continued on living life as we had.  We returned to Church #1 almost two years ago.  It was a surreal experience.  It has taken about two years for us to feel comfortable in it.  It’s amazing how things change and stay the same 🙂

In those two years, my husband was only asked a handful of times to fill in with a Worship Team.  We thought that his time as a worship leader had passed.  A new generation had taken up the mantle.

Enter end of February 2014.  One couple we had met at Church #3 had also moved onto another congregation (aka Church #4).  They were now youth leaders at this church.  Church #4 had recently lost its on staff worship leader and was looking for someone.  They remembered my husband and made contact.  Church #4 asked my husband to come and lead worship the first Sunday in March as a fill in.  Since January they had been having people from around the community come each week.  Apparently, they liked my husband’s leading and the pastor asked him to breakfast the following week – with a job description.  Out of nowhere.  He also asked my husband to lead that following Sunday and yesterday.  No expectations, just quietly seeking and discerning if he is the person they want on staff.  I have been blindsided.  I am angry, I can’t deny it.  Why now?  Why are we being asked to possibly leave Church #1 again?

There were many tears and hotly spoken words yesterday as we fleshed this out and what it means for our family and for our marriage.  It was not pretty.  We did not have a relaxing and rejuvenating Sunday.  All of us just wanted it to end.  I am not proud of my attitude and my reactions.  I want to curl up in a corner and pretend I didn’t act that way or say those things.  That would be easier, hours of Candy Crush and Triple Town and Angry Birds would numb the pain and regret.  Another viewing of The Decoy Bride or a marathon of Dr. Who would remove me from reality.  My feelings are raw and the wounds are open, yet again.

In the midst of all this I am reading A Million Little Ways by Emily P. Freeman.  It’s about our Art, the art we are designed to live.  The book is hits deeper than I thought.  I thought it was about me and it will be, but at this moment it is about my husband.  His Art – the work he was created to create is leading people in worship.  It’s his heartbeat.  How can I ask him to deny his Art just because I don’t make friends easily?  Because I know that, despite the best intentions, the friendships I have now at Church #1 will become memories?  Because I know how difficult it is to acclimate to a new church since I’m introverted?

My heart has already begun to pull away from those friendships.  I don’t want to feel that pain.  It would be easier to turn and run, not face it.  I honestly don’t yet know what I will do.  I may yet still turn and run away.

At this moment, there is no certainty.  There has not been a formal “offer” but I can see the way the wind is blowing for now and I’m preparing my heart for it.

I don’t want to trust God in this.  I want to control it, to manipulate it, to force the issue at Church #1, to reject Church #4.  However, it is not my decision.  I must choose to trust my God and my husband with this decision.  I cannot ask him to deny his Art and his calling.

Trust….it could be a hard year.

p.s.  Our next book club book is going to be fiction.  I need a break from the deep, raw, uncovering books of the past two months.

Good Stories

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant-
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth’s superb surprise

As Lightening to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind.
– Emily Dickinson

“Jesus must have spun stories because they’re sneakier than sermons. They infiltrate our senses and weave their way into our hearts before we see their deeper meaning coming. They tell us the truth, like poet Emily Dickinson said, but tell it slant, because the beautiful, weighty truth really is ‘too bright for our infirm delight.’ I’m convinced our Lord is still subversively telling stories. Have you heard a good one lately?”
– Leigh McLeroy from The Sacred Ordinary

Amen….Amen….and Amen.

I believe firmly that Jesus tells us His best and most profound truths, not in ‘Christian fiction’, but through the stories which do not bear the Christian label. Those gritty, messy, and sometimes (gasp!) offensive ones.